Sunday, 15 March 2009

economic, political and philisophical theory 101 with cows part 1

feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes most of the milk while you live in poverty.

fascism: you have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.

national socialism: you have two cows. you are racially impure. The government takes the cows and gives them to Nazi party members . you are sent to a concentration camp.

representative democracy: you have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone ,through a vote, to tell you what to do with your cows

neo-conservatism: you have two cows. the government kills them both and tells you that Muslim extremists did it and we have to fight a war against them . you fight in the war. you get blown up. there were no cows.

Obama "democracy": with Obama we can have two cows. yes we can. we hope we can. together we can. we get one cow. the government taxes us for the methane emissions produced by said cow. When we complain we are sent to a work camp and our children are brainwashed to worship Obama. yes we can.

Russian state communism: you have two cows. you have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian communism: you have two cows. the government takes both cows and shoots you.

north Korean communism: you have two cows. The government steals the cows. there were no cows. Milk is banned.

anarcho-communism: there are to cows in the community. everyone takes milk from them, each according to their needs.

anarcho-collectivism: The collective has two cows. take from them as you need.

mutualism: you have two cows. you either act on you own or form a cooperative. Make fair deals with consumers or other producers on a fair and equal basis.

Anarcho-syndicalism: The community has some cows. all workers involved make the decisions as what is to be done.

VHEMT: Humanity dies out. all the cows eventually starve to death. millions of years later a new sentient race evolves. they breed a race of animals for their milk. they sell the milk.

rothbardian capitalism: You have two cows. Your landlord takes most of the milk while you live in poverty. you can do nothing about it because the landlord has absolute power in his territory and he has a private defence association he has hired to enforce his will.

capitalism: you have two cows. heavy taxation and the credit crunch force you to sell your cows to a multi-national. they sell you GM milk. you drink it. you die. your family drinks it. your 7 year old daughter starts to go through puberty. your 8 year old son starts turning into a girl due to a hormonal imbalance. your wife gets cervical cancer. you farm is demolished and replaced by a Starbucks.

nihilism: you have no cows. whats the point? there's no meaning to anything. what's the point?

evangelism: God made these cows. the cows were always there. They didn't evolve. sell the cows and praise the lord! hallelujah!

minarchism: for a while the government doesn't interfere, but then they get big enough and minarchism collapses. see capitalism for what happens next.

veganism: you have two cows‽ and you milk them‽ you monster!!

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